Showing posts with label Kids and Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids and Parenting. Show all posts

Sunday, September 17, 2023

Do you Parent with strict discipline

 If your parenting style is strict and unbending, you could be Authoritarian: Low Love and High Limits.

Authoritarian parents use limits as their primary style, considering limits more important than love and relationships. They use external control to teach right from wrong and act quickly when a discipline problem occurs.

The authoritarian style views love as obedience, requiring strict adherence to structures and rules to show that love. The parenting style is "old school" and operates on the premise of  "Spare the rod and spoil the child."

Traits of the Authoritarian Parenting Style:

  • Hold the child to an absolute standard.
  • Values obedience and is not prone to give and take.
  • Emphasis is on strict family rules, often referred to as military-style parenting.
  • They can be restrictive and rigid, demanding absolute obedience, often in a 'do as I say, not as I do' parenting style. Punishment is often harsh and punitive and can perceived as abusive, both physically and emotionally.
  • Exercise a high degree of psychological control over their children, harming their natural growth and maturation.
  • Expect their children to accept their judgments, values, and opinions respectfully. Style - Defined:

Consequently, children are usually quick to react and rarely get their parents to negotiate. These children perform moderately well in school and do not usually display problem behavior, but they have poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.

Authoritarian parents do love their children. The parents want obedience and value this obedience over understanding the impulsive nature of children. To them, it is more important that the kid be controlled and well-behaved. The fact that the parents care enough to constantly monitor and curtail a child's playful "me" centered nature proves their love. However, in the authoritative pursuit of good behavior, the creative and happy nature of the children is often ignored.

Are you a Permissive Parent

Are you a Permissive Parent: High Love and Low Limits.

Permissive parents use love as their primary style and consider love more important than limits. These parents believe that if they love their child enough, the child will love them so much that things will go smoothly. They also think using attachment and their bond with their child will teach them right from wrong. They spend much time with the child, communicating, negotiating, and reasoning. 

The psychology of a child is primarily ME-centered. Children are not born evil or good, and they are not self-regulating. As they grow, kids learn limits from their parents. Early limitations include bedtimes, eating on a schedule, and playtime. The older the child, the more limits he is capable of. 

Permissive parents believe that love conquers all and sometimes do not consider the inability of the child to understand the benefits of love. Kids are taken care of from birth and perceive this as their right of existence. The parents need to teach that love is not a right but a benefit of acceptable social behavior. 

Permissive moms and dads think their children will return their love with obedience and acceptable behavior. Kids believe that mom and dad love them so much that it will be okay no matter what they do. When children enter school, they are confused and saddened to learn that the world does not love them.

The traits of permissive parenting:

  • Accepting and affirmative, but do not place demands on the child to enforce the child's responsibility for his conduct. 
  • Be tolerant toward the child's wants and impulses, including those of the aggressive ones.
  • Usually, they have trouble saying "no" and setting boundaries and guidelines for their kids. 
  • Tend to be lenient and avoid asserting authority or imposing controls or restrictions. These parents avoid confrontation when possible.
  • Few demands exist for acceptable behavior, like table manners or home responsibilities—very few rules for bedtimes, homework schedules, mealtimes, or TV watching.
  • Allow the children to control their behavior and to make their own decisions. 
  • Discipline is inconsistent, creating problems centering on a child's lack of responsibility, motivation, and self-control. 

Studies have shown that the permissive parenting style has a more negative than positive effect. Children are often impulsive and aggressive and lack independence and personal responsibility. This style often leads to demanding and selfish behavior rather than the child being loving and supportive of others.

Children are often insecure because of the lack of defined boundaries. While the kids have high self-esteem and good social skills, there is often problem behavior and a lack of motivation in school and adult life because the children have not learned to be accountable for their actions. 

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Parenting Style for Successful Kids

 If you are looking for a way to raise a child who listens and succeeds, try this parenting style. The name sounds gloomy, but it is a tried and true method of child-rearing. It is Authoritative parenting, practicing high love and high limits.

Authoritative parents aim to be both firm and responsive. The goal is to set clear guidelines of behavior in hopes of raising kids who are self-confident, self-motivated, and cooperative.

These parents participate in a give-and-take relationship with their kids. They explain behavior and limits. A bonus: this style works well with both compliant and strong-willed children. This helps kids develop self-reliance, do well in school, and become socially adept.

Steps to Authoritative Parenting:

  • Listen to the child's point of view and expresses your point of view. This creates open communication and supports verbal give-and-take.
  • Make eye contact while talking to the child. This lets the child know they are listening.
  • Promote the child's independence, individuality, and creativity by being sensitive and teaching the child to have a degree of openness in return.
  • Decide and define the age-appropriate behavior expected. Clearly explain the standards and boundaries that are firmly set.
  • Be consistent in discipline: act, do not make empty threats. One or two of these and kids get the idea.
  • Reward good behavior.

 Rewards of Authoritative Parenting:

  • Children grow up experiencing safe boundaries.
  • Kids are encouraged to question in a mutually respectful environment.
  • Kids learn to think for themselves, experiencing personal independence and responsibility. 

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Dealing with teen's messy room

Keep your sanity during the teen years and learn the best way to deal with a teen’s messy room. Use this simple trick when your teen’s room resembles a junk yard: “Close the door”.

Honestly, mess does not bother teens. Continually nagging only exhausts you and leads to arguments.

Part of teen development is the need to be independent and exert their individuality. To a teenager, their room is their ’space’ and they interpret a parent’s nagging as a parent trying to control them.

You can try some actions in addition to closing the door to your teenager’s room. However, you have to be ready and firm.

  1. Let your teen know the day before you do laundry that his or her clothes need to be in the laundry area. If your teen is not motivated enough to gather dirty clothes, don’t gather them. Having no clean clothes is a great motivator. 
  2. When your teen leaves shoes, coats, backpacks or purses on the floor or in the main living area, simply pick these items up and toss them into your teenager’s room. Then close the door. When your teen cannot find his shoes or her purse in the bedroom, your teen will be motivated to organize.
  3. Refuse to engage in any arguments concerning the whereabouts of a particular item. Simply respond, “It’s in your room”. While you cannot control your teen’s mess, you can push responsibility back onto your teen to take care of their possessions.

If you feel guilty about throwing items in your teen’s room or not gathering laundry, buy a large laundry basket and a 30-gallon trash can. Place the laundry basket and the trash can inside your teen’s room, close to the door. This will give your teen an opportunity to put this or her dirty clothes together for the laundry. The trashcan is a place for the backpack, purse, or loose shoes and coats that are left in the living area. 

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Moonie the Witch

Moonie the witch is an age-old fable
Told oft at night 'round the dinner table
She could fly like a cloud
She was fearless and bold
She was kindness and light
She was always polite

If you had dinner with Moonie
You would dine on the moon
Table set with star dishes and plenty of spoons
You could sit at the table, put the spoon to the floor
Scope up mounds of cheese
And then dig down more

There were sandwiches filled with Jupiter jam
And fine fish from Neptune, and heavenly ham.
Mercury cakes filled with smooth Saturn rings
And plenty of Marzipan icing the thing.
Volumes of Venus beans, Mars sauce on the side
A table so spread, you are almost cockeyed.
Then dirt cakes from Earth, served in sunny jugs,
And Sweet Pluto pudding filled Uranusing mugs.

You would eat all your able,
At the table with spoons
While the stars changed from dishes
To lights for the room.
And Moonie would smile, and offer you more
So that when you were full, you would lay on the floor.

Then Moonie would move all the tables away
Throw you a pillow
So you could comfortably lay.
While she started the music
Comet Tail Hop and Sway
You would stand up and dance,
Little footsteps sashay
The twirling and rocking were magic, pure fun
And everyone laughed, yes, everyone

When the sun began yawning, and rising for day
She would fill sacks with cakes
You could all take away
Then you would climb on the length of her broom
She would fly you to home and your own soft bedroom
Where you lay down your head
And smile with delight
From the dinner and dancing with Moonie that night

Copyright Penstruck