Unbelief-This is Woe

The Israelites wandered in the desert because they refused to make the decision to walk by faith, and not by sight. For the children of Israel walked forty years in the wilderness, till all the people who were men of war, who came out of Egypt, were consumed, because they did not obey the voice of the LORD—to whom the LORD swore that He would not show them the land which the LORD had sworn to their fathers that He would give us, "a land flowing with milk and honey."
NKJV Joshua 5:6

Struggling in this sifting sand

with no firm ground below,

Among this crowd of nomads,

wondering in woe.

Wandering within these walls

of blue and white hot light,

Days spent walking forward,

Resting quietly each night.

Finding bread each morning

spread across the sands like dew.

Witnessing a stone being struck

and water flowing through.

Following a column

lighting one step at a time,

What now seems so uncertain,

Was it once so all divine?

My legs do not grow weary,

My clothes do not decay,

I follow, I am silent,

I do not know the way.

I'm curious about the land

beyond what I can see.

I know the land that's now behind

and burns my memory:

As fear and worry capture me

I ponder at my plight

Give voice to discontentment

And rail against this flight.

To choose to stay, or choose to slow?

But if I leave, where will I go?

Dwelling in the land now past

Freedom was my dream.

But in these walls of desert

What freedom can be seen?

I cry aloud, to God..

And pause. Wipe blinding sand aside.

I remember I was rescued

I walked through walls of tide.

My steps grow quick, a song bursts forth.

I lift my voice, now strong.

I hear the praises echo

through this great nomadic throng.

I look up to the light again-

A steady, constant glow.

And steady now my heart responds

That where it leads, I'll go.

I know now what is woe.

These are Sacred Things

Sacred things:

Keeping secrets,

Listening when you’re busy

Holding memories tight

And opening your heart.

Loving the unlovely

Smiling when you’re worn

Patiently tying a child’s shoe

And opening your heart.

For all the sacred thoughts and dreams

For holy smiles and words

For sunshine on a winter’s day

We hold our sacred things

Gently, like young children,

And sacredly open our hearts.

Life happens as we breathe

Enjoy every day in your life. Smile often and look for the good. Our life is like a flash of light, burning bright, then gone. 

From breath to breath, we are born and die.
First flashing as a star, shining with every promise,
Then settling into orbit, steady into life as breath exhales.
We turn, and what we leave is what we bring
Between the breaths.

Ecclesiastes 3 begins: There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. In this book, Solomon explores the meaning of life. By the end of chapter 12, Solomon understands that the lures and adventures of life alone are meaningless and shares, "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."

I wrote this poem to read at my brother's memorial. My brother fell off the dock where he worked and hit his head. It was a sudden passing.

Jesus Can Overcome Your Thoughts

I learned that Jesus can overcome my thinking, my doubts, and my misgivings. I was working on a poem expressing the origins of earth-Yes, I did think this. I remembered that in the Bible there was a reference to giants that walked the lands. 

I asked a woman I worked with (whose husband was a minister) if I could meet with them to discuss this reference and talk about my poem. They were very kind to my hippie agnostic self. As I was leaving, the minister said to read the book of John when I had time.

OK. I was cooking dinner, sitting on a bench in my kitchen, and opened my big Catholic Bible my mom gave me when I was married. This is the result:

"In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us." John 1:1-14 

Agnostic eyes read these words. 
My brain translating concepts into thoughts:
Flowing electricity
Through the fortifications of all I knew.
Stunned, I stared at lilac walls,
Laced with the afternoon sun.
I sat, looking at the big book in my hand,
My brain clicking internal binary codes,
Programming inroads
Through disconnected memory files
And suddenly,
Organized sense awoke.
A veil was lifted:
I gasped, “I’m saved.”

(excerpt from my book "Believing is Just the Beginning")

God: My life and breath

You are my life and breath,

My fiber, and the basis of my being.

You are the strength in my soul,

The keeper of the courage in my heart.

In the devastation of broken dreams,

Among the ruins of unrecognized hope, 

You are the foundation for rebuilding and rebirth,

The keeper of the courage in my heart.

Your Word is like a strong arm,

Your will a wall of safety.

You are faith itself, and never-ending hope.

Though earthquakes rock my life

And split my dreams like paper

I cling to You, my constant source of strength,

Oh Lord, my hope and my eternal love.

You own my heart, and all that I have belongs to You.

What thought, or dream conceived,

Does not spring from Your creation?

I am, I am because You are,

Oh Lord. I am because You are.

 From "Believing is Just the Beginning" by Pennee Struckman

Quiet Beauty of Fall Morning

Quiet beauty: 

Silent sun shines softly bright
On the waning green of trees about to winter.
Penetrating the leaves
And outlining each vein.
This whispering sun caresses the grass.
With fine filters through the fence cracks,
It gently covers the house
And slips gracefully through the moss.

A fragile day, this end of summer.
The earthy breeze and tender sun
So carefully preserve the warmth.
A tended hearth.

Portend of the coming quiet beauty
Of another season.

God's Word Became Real-The Essence of Salvation

God's Word is alive-it did not dry with the ink. Some Christians believe that the Word cannot be heard or understood from individual verses, yet God speaks to the heart through a verse or a chapter.

I have been perplexed lately about the disturbances I have felt in my heart. I listen to others talk and hear their ideas concerning leading people to the Lord and how they believe they should live. All is good, but something is unsettling to me.

I have been praying and seeking God about this. I did not know if I was missing something, believing falsely, or what was going on. I began to look up the word 'reasoning' because this seems to be happening in the conversations. And in my Christian walk, I do not rely on reasoning but simply on believing in God.

John 8:47 (KJV) He that is of God heareth God's words: ye, therefore, hear them not, because ye are not of God. I read John 8:47, and this helped me a lot. Based on my own experience with Jesus, it was not arguments or justifications, but the overwhelming presence of God and the realization that this was the truth that brought me to salvation.

During the 70s, the "Jesus Movement" began. Many of my friends were saved, and we talked about their experiences. I was not moved and did not feel a great need to 'find Jesus. I was working on a poem about the origins of creation, and asked a woman I worked with, a pastor's wife, if I could come and speak with her and her husband about some questions I had about descriptions in the Bible
. We talked for a long time about the giants in the land and some aspects of what the Word said about creation. As I left, the pastor suggested I read the book of John.

Not knowing the Bible but remembering the word "John," I got out the Catholic Bible my mom had given me when I was married. I opened it, found John 1, and began to read. This is what I read, and this is what happened.

In the beginning, was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. John 1:1-14(NKJV)

Agnostic eyes read these words.

My brain translating concepts into thoughts:

Flowing electricity

Through the fortifications of all I knew.

Stunned, I stared at lilac walls,

Laced with the afternoon sun.

I sat, looking at the big book in my hand,

My brain clicking internal binary codes,

Programming inroads

Through disconnected memory files

And suddenly,

Organized sense awoke.

A veil was lifted:

I gasped, "I'm saved."

God Disarms Me

Have you ever stopped in your tracks, realizing you are full of yourself? Our knowledge, our success, our achievements-these make us feel so proud and in control. Then, in a moment, we stop and realize we are not yielding to God; instead, we are trying to make Him yield to us. Holding fast to the rudder of our destiny, all the while God is whispering, “Let go”.

God disarms me.

Within my heart are many ways,

Each tumbles.

And over each is only One.

Abiding peace, smooth steps of standing

Held fast and safe.

Revealed, this pride and jealousy and judgment:

The Word healed my blindness

Cut deep the weave of web that held my sin.

It burst forth, force, spilling onto the floor

So I could see.

Shame has gripped me.

Realizing how I have filtered the Hand of God

Gripping it to guide, bend it to my will-

God would not, and still

His love remains.

Right now, I cannot lift my eyes to look at His loveliness

So sad, horrified, and shamed by the deceit I promoted.

I have done such damage to His plan

I cannot undo my hard thoughts and hard words

They hang in the past, billowing into my present.

I do know God, His true goodness

I feel I have taken advantage of His mercy

I can only lie, face down in His presence, begging mercy

I know He loves me always

I sorrow because I have misused the Great Love

I pray for the strength to stand firm and not do it again.

God knows my heart. He remembers I am dust. I am reminded

That all I know, I want, I see, is but a wanton wisp of fleeting flesh

Fading in the light of eternity.

Wicked Hearts

This is why we stay close to God and learn to love the world as He loves. For it is not the action of man but the heart of man that needs the grace of God.

Wayward wanton warlords
Calmly board the planes
To demonstrate a ritual
And prove their true disdain.

Treacherous, troubled tyrant
Slipped calmly into school
Fired anger into children
Uncivilized and cool.

Maleficent, malicious mother
Captured children, one by one,
And held them under water
Until each life was done.

Repellant, reprobate raper
Chased the woman as she ran,
Grabbed her by the collar,
Left her dead upon the sand

“Something wicked this way comes”
A falling from the grace
Tattered holy weave of man’s nature,
Abhorrent,
Void, the heart debased.

Wounds that bind us

There is no wound so deep it can’t be mended

No relationship so shattered it cannot be restored

The real devastation comes when embers

Are selfishly discarded and ignored.

The fires of life grow dim within each season

Prayerful tending now and then required.

God has placed our hearts in careful motion

Chosen for us parent, friend and child.

The body we are bound to fills a nation

But we are bound by borders less than these

To sharpen and refine our very nature

To build the Body up upon our knees. 

So always we are free and we are fastened

To God and family, blood born, others found.

The choices that we make have lasting etchings

That only time reveals and heaven resounds

No one can separate us from God’s loving

And only we can leave His holy ground

So we are free to roam and chose our own path

But that does not disturb that we are bound.

The secrets in aging

Aging is beautiful

Aging is what we do as long as we live. I don't know how old I am. I am light on my feet, filled with smiles, and mostly pressing forward towards the future. Oh, I do get frustrated, life happens, but there is still an air of excitement.

Aging's Secret

Aging is coveted by small children,

Tall enough to ride, or walk, or simply reach.

Then reaching seems easy, and aging turns

Mastering math, catching a ball or boy, and beauty,

Aging is distracted by desire, dreams, goals,

Lost in achieving, gaining, raising kids,

Regaining momentum in attainment, and watching babies

Turn to small children.

Then somewhere in the mix, age becomes a distance,

Disregarded, and conversations skip.

Unseen, unknown, aging is creeping always on the young,

Bending them into worn wisdom, advanced by small children.

Cycling, aging, beauty, achievement, master, wisdom

And a small sly smile.

How can God not be real

I wonder when I hear people say "I don't believe in God". I ask what they believe in, and most cannot say. But some respond, "Oh, a great being", "a higher power", or, sadder still, "nothing, when you die, you die." Some say, "How can God be real, with all the suffering in the world?" 

Open your eyes, sometimes I say. How can God not be real? We breathe, we hope, we aspire. And for what, if there is nothing? But until people experience this good grace for themselves, they cannot know. And some are so shelled with pride, they cannot reach a thought that's not their own. 

I pray for them that their eyes are opened, their hearts softened, and their pride abandoned. 

God is great: imposing, noble, heroic, splendid

Some do not believe. I wonder

How can His presence be denied?

What thoughts do they possess?

That leads them through the dark place

Where God is real, but they are blind?

Where is their laughter?

Where is their hope?

Living in one dimension

Straight-line birth to death

Tick marks along the line of life events

Easter Joy

 

The cross stands, empty, in the highlights of dawn,

A faint shadow falls upon the bloody ground,

A crude crown lay abandon, the marks of His body still in the dust.

In the dark and silent cave the

Son rises, sits, still swaddled.

He removes the rags of death and smiles.

Standing triumphant

Commands the stone to move

And walks into the bright morning.

This is why He came, why He died;

To conquer death,

Remove the gardens curse,

Leading the way to the tree of Life.

Consider Him who is faithful

The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.  It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. Lamentations 3:25-27 (ESV)

Consider Him who is faithful.

I turn dreams to heavy things,

Demanding, like a child.

I lose sight of vision

Staring at the present reality

As if it was the only one.

I seek the Lord for answers

Already given in the vision world

Of faith and certainty. 

Oh faithless heart, distraction of my sight!

My soul grows faint in battle

With my soddened self.

I cry for mercy, relief from such a foe. 

Mercy always comes. And such a sweet face.

The Lord smiles.

My soul finds rest in the gleam of His eye.

I stand again to move through one more day,

Just present reality,

And reach the vision set in trust for me. 

Then there will be one more.

Legacy

I will not let my life

suspend on quiet threads.

Life is remembrance,

the immortal chance

to leave a wisdom,

and improve the place I stand

for those who come after

a thousand years, and time worn

stones, the names are smooth

where they lie now, and where then,

and who remembers, or is better

for their birth.

Some advance the generations,

teaching  stories that contain

seeds of consolation, wheels

and turn.

But my gift is not a grave

and who I am is not the thing

But that I have some insight

and I lived the sorrows

others will have.

To them I give the consolation

that life is only death

but between lies laughter, and actions of joy. 

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 (ESV)

Loneliness

The soul has lonely places. I am putting together a book of my poetry. I am revisiting experiences as I read and edit my work. There is a sense of introspection.


Later, as I was playing Bingo on pogo, I noticed certain reactions in my spirit. It was silly, but I began to feel the game was against me, that I could not win, that others were ahead of me. I asked myself where this coming from is.

Poets are strange individuals, examining all the forests and clearings. I traced my feeling back as far as I could remember. I learned that some of the disturbances I felt were rooted in loneliness. I have many friends and family in my life. I am not alone. So why do I feel this?

As I talked with God, I realized that we all have crevices, spaces in life where loneliness seeps in and wears gullies in our hearts. I asked God to take this loneliness and fill these spaces. Honestly, this loneliness does not have to spill into my heart.

Best Christmas gift ever

I sat on a deacon's bench in my kitchen and read the words "The Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us." I realized this was the truth, and I accepted Jesus at the moment.

For me, Jesus was and is the greatest gift I have ever received. He is the most important gift you can ever receive. I wrote this poem, and now share it each year at Christmas to let people know that, of all the gifts under the tree, none will touch a heart like Jesus.

Wrapped in scarlet, ribboned in beige
Bought with a love that conquers the grave
Presented with kindness, compassion and care
Receiving
I open
And find Jesus there.

Open your heart and receive Jesus. You will be glad you did.

Hope in Hard Times

Hope in hard times is our shield and strength. In hope we look to God, our ever-present hope in hard times. The truth is that in life there will be trouble, some small, some great, but God will hear us and help us. Even when I shake with fear and fight despair I know this to be true.

When I think on the Word of God, when I remind myself that God is faithful, I smile at the words "but God…" However, God is the light of hope and hope does not fail.

• The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it. (Prov 10:22)
• The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. (Psalm 9:9-10)
• God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)
• In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. (Psalm 86:7)
• A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all; (Psalm 34:19)

Hope

I hear the Lord, He calls to me,

"Believe Me one more day, 

I'm on your side, I'm in your heart, 
I won't turn you away.

Pick up the laughter, hold the joy, 

Embrace the dream, and stay. 
Grab hold the hope, protect your heart. 
For now I make the way. 
Like streams where none have been before, 
Like desert roses bloom, 
I am Creator, pure and good. 
The way will be clear soon."

Do not give up.

God Loves Squeaky Wheels

God loves squeaky wheels. As I listened to myself praying, I began to wonder if I was a jerk. But God already took care of this in His word.

At times my heart is weary
Praying without resolve
I wonder if I'm selfish
Blind or self involved.
I read that David cried out to the Lord
Do not be deaf.
Hear my supplication
Come swift to my defense.
How blessed!
For God is always listening,
God is always good.
The heart can trust, rely and lean
On God:
His Word is evergreen,
Our ways have been foreseen,
God will intervene
With mercy and strength.

So I say to you, Ask and keep on asking and it shall be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you shall find; knock and keep on knocking and the door shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks and keeps on asking received; and he who seeks and keeps on seeking finds; and to him who knocks and keeps on knocking the door shall be opened. (Luke 11:9-10)

How cool is that!

Trusting God

How much do I trust God? Unexpectedly, God showed me a path this morning. It brought tears to my eyes, and I felt very exposed. Sometimes, we tuck away the most precious dreams to protected them from disappointment. But is that the way? I never thought of this before, but tucking away a dream is making sure the dream does not succeed.

I have sacred things.
Lace and flowing white billows
Holy in my heart,
Unshared, protected.
Dreams that on exposure
Tear in my eye.
Held back by fear
So close and precious.
God says: Trust, and let me help you
Bring the dreams into the waking world.
They are strong enough for bruising.